Time decides who you meet
in life, your heart decides
who you want in your life and
Cthulhu decides when
you’ve outlived your usefulness.
Happy Yog-Sothoth Day
May it not be your last.
Dammit! Where's My Chocolate?
Advice from a math teacher with a red pen
Monthly Archives: December 2014
One-Way Love
I love you
to the moon.
It turns out that
jet fuel is expensive,
but I’ll think of you
all the time.
I made you a sandwich.
We only had tuna,
I hope that’s ok.
Do you have a flag?
98% of my dating choices
boil down to whether
or not the person knows
the correct answer
to the question
“Cake or Death?”
with bonus points
for knowing what happens
after you answer
“Death.”
I Keep Trying
“Excuse me, Ma’am.
But have you considered math?”
For some reason, door-to-door mathematicians
never caught on.
I Need a Tarp Over Here
When you
start looking
at people’s
hearts instead
of their face,
someone usually
calls the police.
So plan to work
fast.
Happy Finals Week, Bwa Ha Ha Haaaaaa!
If you show a person
how to be a dentist,
they’ll be able to
ruin a life for an hour.
But if you show a person
how to be a math teacher,
they’ll be able to
ruin a life
FOREVER.
Like a Good Little Boy
“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to ‘find your passion’ and ‘know what it is you want to do.’ It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life. For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are. Stop trying to find the forest and just
get back on your knees and finish the job.”
Wish List
I think as you grow older
your Christmas list gets
smaller and the things you
really want for the
holidays can’t be bought.
You’d be surprised
at what a gallon of blood
and a plain white candle
from Pier 1
can do, though.
(I’m not the only one who goes to home improvement stores and imagines that all those suburban housewives are buying fancy candles for secret black magic rituals behind those perfectly-appointed doors next to immaculately-mowed lawns, right?)
Dammit! Where's My Chocolate? 