Monthly Archives: January 2015

Boom.

176.TheTrick

The trick

is to let

people know

how really

weird you

are.

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Helpful Hint

171.OneOfTheMostSincere

One of the most sincere

forms of respect is actually

listening

to what another

has to say

BEFORE

pointing out

how wrong

they are.

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170.OFFGRID

OFF GRID

  • No mortgage or rent
  • No electric bill
  • Free water with no flouride
  • Grow your own organic food
  • Total self-sustainability
  • Be with nature
  • Still have every modern luxury
  • Who’s with me?

Cost of suspended treehouse:  $20,000 – $40,000+

Cost of land in a pristine wilderness:  $15,000 – $300,000+

(Seriously, you have that much money just lying around?)

Cavities

Honestly, have you not heard of the Donner Party?

Chiggers, ticks and bears, oh my

Staph infections

E coli (from lack of refrigeration)

Not to mention that I, for one, am thankful every time I don’t have to climb down a tree to use the loo.

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168.InOrderToLoveWhoYouAre

“In order

to love who you

are, you

cannot hate the

experiences

that shaped you.”

 

Bull.  Crap.

Seriously, no one likes herpes.

Or car crashes.  Or poverty.

That’s just messed up.

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World Domination, Again

169.DontCarryYourMistakes

Don’t carry your

mistakes around

with you

Instead, place

them under your

feet

with the souls

of your enemies

and crush them

like grapes.

 

Sure, the wine’ll

taste terrible,

but who needs

culinary respect

when you can

rule the world?

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Happy New Year

167.HappyNewYear2015

Every time you are tempted

to react in the same old way,

ask if you want to be a

prisoner of the past or a

terrible warning to others.

Happy New Year

from the Red Pen

Let’s try to get it right this time, ok?

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Unanswered Prayers

166.DontAskGodToMoveMountains_edited-2

Don’t ask God to move mountains.

You don’t know where she might

decide to put them.

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Regrets

165.GuysCloseYourEyes

Guys, close your eyes.

Imagine you have a

daughter.  Imagine she is dating a

guy just like you.  Did you smiel?

No?

Me, neither.

Honestly, I was hoping

for a lesbian.

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