The trick
is to let
people know
how really
weird you
are.
Dammit! Where's My Chocolate?
Advice from a math teacher with a red pen
Monthly Archives: January 2015
Helpful Hint
One of the most sincere
forms of respect is actually
listening
to what another
has to say
BEFORE
pointing out
how wrong
they are.
OFF GRID
- No mortgage or rent
- No electric bill
- Free water with no flouride
- Grow your own organic food
- Total self-sustainability
- Be with nature
- Still have every modern luxury
- Who’s with me?
Cost of suspended treehouse: $20,000 – $40,000+
Cost of land in a pristine wilderness: $15,000 – $300,000+
(Seriously, you have that much money just lying around?)
Cavities
Honestly, have you not heard of the Donner Party?
Chiggers, ticks and bears, oh my
Staph infections
E coli (from lack of refrigeration)
Not to mention that I, for one, am thankful every time I don’t have to climb down a tree to use the loo.
“In order
to love who you
are, you
cannot hate the
experiences
that shaped you.”
Bull. Crap.
Seriously, no one likes herpes.
Or car crashes. Or poverty.
That’s just messed up.
World Domination, Again
Don’t carry your
mistakes around
with you
Instead, place
them under your
feet
with the souls
of your enemies
and crush them
like grapes.
Sure, the wine’ll
taste terrible,
but who needs
culinary respect
when you can
rule the world?
Happy New Year
Every time you are tempted
to react in the same old way,
ask if you want to be a
prisoner of the past or a
terrible warning to others.
Happy New Year
from the Red Pen
Let’s try to get it right this time, ok?
Unanswered Prayers
Don’t ask God to move mountains.
You don’t know where she might
decide to put them.
Dammit! Where's My Chocolate? 