168.InOrderToLoveWhoYouAre

“In order

to love who you

are, you

cannot hate the

experiences

that shaped you.”

 

Bull.  Crap.

Seriously, no one likes herpes.

Or car crashes.  Or poverty.

That’s just messed up.

Advertisements
Tagged , ,

World Domination, Again

169.DontCarryYourMistakes

Don’t carry your

mistakes around

with you

Instead, place

them under your

feet

with the souls

of your enemies

and crush them

like grapes.

 

Sure, the wine’ll

taste terrible,

but who needs

culinary respect

when you can

rule the world?

Tagged , ,

Happy New Year

167.HappyNewYear2015

Every time you are tempted

to react in the same old way,

ask if you want to be a

prisoner of the past or a

terrible warning to others.

Happy New Year

from the Red Pen

Let’s try to get it right this time, ok?

Tagged ,

Unanswered Prayers

166.DontAskGodToMoveMountains_edited-2

Don’t ask God to move mountains.

You don’t know where she might

decide to put them.

Tagged ,

Regrets

165.GuysCloseYourEyes

Guys, close your eyes.

Imagine you have a

daughter.  Imagine she is dating a

guy just like you.  Did you smiel?

No?

Me, neither.

Honestly, I was hoping

for a lesbian.

Tagged ,

It’s Never Too Early To Start Planning for Yog-Sothoth

164.TimeDecidesWhoYouMeet_edited-2

Time decides who you meet

in life, your heart decides

who you want in your life and

Cthulhu decides when

you’ve outlived your usefulness.

Happy Yog-Sothoth Day

May it not be your last.

Tagged ,

One-Way Love

163.ILoveYouToTheMoon_edited-1

I love you

to the moon.

It turns out that

jet fuel is expensive,

but I’ll think of you

all the time.

I made you a sandwich.

We only had tuna,

I hope that’s ok.

Tagged ,

Do you have a flag?

162.98%ofMyDatingChoices

98% of my dating choices

boil down to whether

or not the person knows

the correct answer

to the question

“Cake or Death?”

with bonus points

for knowing what happens

after you answer

“Death.”

Tagged ,

I Keep Trying

161.ExcuseMeMaam

“Excuse me, Ma’am.

But have you considered math?”

For some reason, door-to-door mathematicians

never caught on.

Tagged , ,

Nobility

160.ThereIsANobility

Tagged ,
%d bloggers like this: